meth ses(tina)- a variation of form
by Joel Barraquiel Tan
melting rock on tented foil boytrick working the glass
pipe when he blows out we trade off kills
the lull the waiting waiting between hits
exhale empty the lungs of oxygen then then
take in the smoke the vapors like ghosts
into yourself cold draft slipping between seams
boytrick breaks into a fit of tears wailing wailing cracking glass
sky high you wanna fuck him but his boohoo hooing kills
your wood bury the bone you want to to hit
him lock his jaw instead you wipe his tear away with your thumb then
between gulps mid choke he chokes babbles the ghosts
ghosts reach inside my chest they spread the grief around ripping the seams
of skin lifts his shirt brown skin seams
split fracture & spider cracks cracked like brittle auto glass
underneath purple red of muscle architecture of bone ghosts
playing his pulse like an instrument in syncopated rhythms cadence melodic kill
me he begs he begs finish it off then
this will end kill me he begs he hits
the pipe again hard just like i showed him empties his lung & hits
it so hard snuffs the butane flame out seams
mouth sealed tight a tomb a vacuum then
just like that he flips as if nothing's happened politely asks for a cold glass
of something something to kill
the chemical taste he says no more talk of ghosts
he promises promises no more talk of ghosts
confesses he hasn't slept a month hits
& tricks & cleaning house keep him moving he apologizes for killing
my high the want to fuck he unzips me reaches inside the zipper teeth denim seam
pulls out my limp joint sucks like he just sucked the glass
pipe evil mean mean with lots of teeth it was then
then then
his ghost's
melody heartbreaking glass
song fills me first stataccato taps litte bits hits
pushing past the hardened seams
this i begin to understand is this is how pleasure kills
he spreads himself open with his fingers pushes back quickening the kill
gas & lube melody clumsy plunge chemical sweat coming down in heavy drops then
tears the micro thin in insides shit speckles & blood shred threads inside slash the seams
we are now ghosts become ghosts
vaporized rock chemical hits
peacock plume butane tiny sealed baggies when we cool we harden glass
trick lover glass the glow the snake of smoke surrender then
thrills kills & vengeful ghosts
in fits we hit & hit again outlaws slashing seams.
Joël Barraquiel Tan was born in Manila in 1968. He is the author of two collections of poetry, Monster and Type O Negative. He recently won 1st Prize for Spoon River Review's best poem, "manila zoo" and he is also the editor of Cleis Press' Best Gay Asian Erotica Anthology series. His short fiction, essays, and poetry appear in Fresh Men: New Voices in Gay Fiction, Book of Maladies, and Asian American Sexualities. He currently lives in San Francisco, CA.
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